NICE RAINBOW BLOG

2008年06月11日

「山のあなた」撮影現場秘話 感動の最終回!!「トンボだ・・・」

みなさま。

ナイスレインボープレゼンツ「山のあなた撮影秘話動画」もいよいよ最終回です(涙

3月から週1で始まったこの動画ブログもはや4ヶ月が経とうとしております。

季節も立春から梅雨になってしまいました。

このブログを通じて少しでも「山のあなた 徳市の恋」の魅力が皆さんに伝われば幸いに思います。

長らくのご視聴本当にありがとうございました!!

石井克人並びにナイスレインボーは今後とも益々精力的に活動していく予定です!

その活動内容もこのブログで随時お伝えして行きますのでご期待下さい。

これからもナイスレインボーをよろしくおねがいします!ね☆


最終回「トンボだ・・・」



映画「山のあなた 徳市の恋」は劇場にて絶賛公開中です。
まだご覧になっていない方も、1度観た方も、何度でも映画館にお越し下さい。
きっと古き良き日本の原風景に癒されるでしょう。

また、石井克人の最新アートDVD「U-BEE」6月27日に発売されます。
こちらは自然風景と音が生み出す新感覚の癒し映像作品となってます。
音楽は「山のあなた 徳市の恋」の現代音楽ピアニスト中川俊郎氏が担当。
是非一度チェックしてみて下さい。
U-BEEに関する情報はコチラ>>


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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

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If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

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Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

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I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

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If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

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If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

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The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

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If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

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I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Barabsi's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Hello!

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Mit der Dummheit kmpfen Gtter selbst vergebens

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Your website is very great. I enjoyed your website a lot. Thank you.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Why don't you write books people can read?

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Why don't you write books people can read?

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Youtube has grow such an insulting order right of spam and contemplate sprirted commenting on not quite any video put there – that I about you would be control superiors served to discourage a your real off of youtube until they learn to middle or observe the use of comments and profanity. You could plainly body the videos on amazon s3 and proceed them from any locale you choose.

Regards, Anna Mcinturff

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be coming back to your site.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Mit der Dummheit kmpfen Gtter selbst vergebens

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

uSYNyMu

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

you do not have to visit any retail shop get the application form You can easily apply online and will be judged whether you are eligible for

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

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The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

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