NICE RAINBOW BLOG

2008年07月23日

「そらそい」クランクアップ!!

みなさまお久しぶりです。

前回お伝えしたナイスレインボー初完全オリジナル作品「そらそい」

昨日無事クランクアップを迎えました。

本日はその撮影現場の様子をお伝えしようと思います。

併設ブログのTOXIボランティア日記でご存知の方も多いと思いますが、

撮影は伊豆の松崎町を中心に行われました。


Photos by Yuuuka Ooosumi


カントク・キャスト・スタッフ共々1つ屋根の下で寝泊まりしながらの合宿スタイル。

さらにその寝泊まりした宿自体がこの作品メインの舞台となりました。

朝起きたら隣の部屋で、大広間で、目の前の海岸で、と脚本の設定がそのまま再現できる

素晴らしいロケ環境の下、天候にも恵まれ撮影は終始快調に進みました。


Photos by Yuuuka Ooosumi


また、いつも石井組三木組で一緒の技術スタッフの参加や今回現場参加できなかった

スタッフの差し入れや訪問にも元気づけられました。


ワークショップカリキュラムの一環とはいえ、石井&三木カントクにとっては

”理想とする現場環境での映画作り”が実現し、とてもほとんどが素人の俳優を相手に

しているとは思えない程演出に力が入っていました。

これはもう単なる役者養成ワークショップでは無くなりました。

新たな”ナイスレインボー組”の誕生です!

ワークショップの生徒たちは、この10日間を通して役者としても人間としても大きく成長し、

カントク陣も「どの生徒も選んで間違いは無かった。これから役者として大きく羽ばたくはず」

と全員にAランクの評価をしていました。


この作品が今後どうなっていくのか、我々プロデュース陣も楽しみで仕方ありません。

ただ1つ言えるのは、この作品は間違いなくこれまでの石井作品三木作品とは違う

新たな最高傑作となるということです。


Photos by Yuuuka Ooosumi


映画「そらそい」間もなく編集作業開始です。

今後の「そらそい」情報にご注目ください!!


【TOXIのワークショップボランティア日記】
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

The truth is more important than the facts.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I enjoyed reading your blog. Keep it that way. rvfycnwioqsrboex

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Men have become the tools of their tools.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

I am not young enough to know everything.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

I've bookmarked, Dugg, and I joined the RSS subscription. Thanks!

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Hi buddy, very informative post. Please keep them coming.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Hello! edadedf interesting edadedf site!

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Finally, an issue that I am passionate about. I have looked for information of this caliber for the last several hours. Your site is greatly appreciated.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

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If a man does his best, what else is there?

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

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Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes


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Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Usually I do not write on blogs, but I would like to say that this article really convinced me to do so! Congratulations, rather nice post.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Do you have any more info on this?

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

The truth is more important than the facts.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

The truth is more important than the facts.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

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Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

I am not young enough to know everything.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Thanks for making such a killer blog. I come on here all the time and am floored with the fresh information here.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Mit der Dummheit kmpfen Gtter selbst vergebens

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

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